So Random II: Just Plain Insane
by Nikikeya
Summary: The Not-a-sequel sequel to So Random. This was originally my opening post for an Rpg me and a friend was writing. The Marauders try to make their lunch while discussing the weather. Sirius does battle against Lucius Malfoy and his army of Albino Peacocks, and Hagrid looses his one true love. Will things ever be the same at Hogwarts...? Yeah probably...


Based on an extremly retarded RPG me and my friend Vivi write. This is the 2nd installment of So Random, its wholly comprised of my OP (opening post) for said RPG.

Ps- I love Xenophilius Loovegood more than life itself! XDDDDD

WArnings: Slash, silliness, mayhem and the Marauders.

RULES OF THE UNIVERSE

~Everyone is Gay. (Save for James.) Period. XD

~Everyone is in the same year.

~Everyone agrees Lucius is gorgeous. (Save for James.) Period. XD

~The Marauders are all here. Sirius and Remus are dating.

~James wants to get with Lily, who ignores him in favor of Severus, who ignores her in favor of Lucius.

~James is still jealous of Severus

~Sirius Black and Regulus Black are identical twins, everyone blames Regulus for everything Sirius does. No one can tell the two apart. (Save for James.)

~James is terrified of Tom Riddle and Lucius

~Sirius and Remus are James Guard Dogs -er- Guard Grim and Guard Wolf...

~Peter has a magical camcorder...

PAIRINGS

~LuAmes: Lucius Malfoy x James Potter (One sided. James is straight.)

~Marcius: Marcus Padmore x Lucius Malfoy (Mostly one sided.)

~Sevius: Severus Snape x Lucius Malfoy (Completely One sided.)

~SiRemus: Sirius Black x Remus Lupin (Consensual)

~ReRemus: Regulus Black x Remus Lupin (One sided, Reg seduces Remus to get back at Sirius. Remus thinks he's Sirius.)

~JaLily: James Potter x Lily Evens (One sided. Lily hates James' guts.)

~Lilerus: Lily Evens x Severus Snape (One sided. Severus only likes Lucius.)

~Huttercup: Rubeus Hagrid x Buttercup the Giant Squid

~Thomas Maximus: Tom Riddle x EVERYONE (Obligatory RAEP.)

QUIRKS

~Everyone calls Tom Riddle Voldie-Bear (Save for James who calls him "Snoogle"... and no, we have no idea what that means either.)

~Lucius Dances all the time

~Sirius ends all his sentences with "Srsly."

~Voldie-Bear squeals... Alot

~Marcus is often mistaken for a giant echidna, due to his hair.

~Remus looks scary as hell as a werewolf. But acts like a puppy.

~Sirius enjoys having his belly scratched. And if you scratch him behind the ear he thumps his foot. (This is in Human form as well.)

~Severus stalks Lucius everywhere.

~James' swearword of choice is "Ah Snitch!"

~Regulus' swearword of choice is "Bludgers!"

~Sirius' swearword of choice is "OSM WTF SRSLY!?"

~Severus' swearword of choice is "Goddamnit Potter!" (Even when James is no where around and has nothing to do with it.)

~Voldie-Bear keeps a girly Love Diary.

~Everyone loves Hagrid~ except for Voldie-Bear who likes to make Hagrid cry and run away.

~Lucius is the biggest Drama Queen in the world. (Save for James.) Period. xD

**So Random! II: Just Plain Insane! **

It was a beautiful morning, well, if one could call it morning, it was actually more like noon-ish, and really it wasn't all that beautiful either, there was thunder and chain lightning and a twister out over the Black Lake (Which was currently trying to suck up the Giant Squid, who was decidedly unhappy about this latest turn of events.)

So yes, it was a stormy, noon-ish, morning. Raining Hippogryffs and Dragons. Much to Rubeus Hagrid's great delight. At least until someone pointed out to the poor boy that it was only a figure of speech. Then he'd become nearly as sullen and ornery as the Giant Squid.

James Potter was NOT in detention. Really he should have been, after all he had so many to serve, but no, he was not. Instead he was walking down to the Great Hall (Which wasn't really so "great" when one actually took the time and thought about it.) Because it was noon-ish and that was generally the time when they started to serve lunch. At least that's what Remus Lupin assured them. Though Peter Pettigrew remained devoutly skeptical, until he had the proof in front of him. Or better still, safely tucked away in his stomach.

Now the three boys... wait, that's not right. Where was the fourth- OH FOR MERLIN'S SAKE!

...

Okay... So moving along without Sirius Black (Who was currently involved in a three way war between himself, Lucius Malfoy (Who was trying to sneak up and grab James.) and a whole platoon of Albino Peacocks under said Malfoy heir's command.)

The three boys were all walking along calmly, either unaware or just plane uncaring of the howls, squawks and girly screams issuing from behind them.

"Lovely weather we're having." Peter remarked blithely, as another highly effeminate scream sounded.

"There's a tornado outside Peter, how would that be lovely?" Remus asked, as an explosion of white feather suddenly blasted past, effectively burying them.

James spit out a mouth full of down, and then shifted to Prongs, and started plowing a path through the white fluff, unearthing several Hufflepuff, Dumbledore, and Arthur Weasley's car along the way.

"It is rather odd weather when you think about it..." James said, shifting back once they were clear.

Another Girly Scream sounded, and James, having had enough, threw back his head and screamed for all he was worth.

"WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE SHUT THAT BLOOD SQUID UP!?"

Sirius looked up from where he was still back trying to best Lucius in their thumb wrestling match.

**JPIJPIJPIJPIJPIJPIJPIJPIJPIJPIJPIJPIJPIJPIJPIJPIJPIJPIJPIJPIJPIJPIJPIJPIJPIJPIJPI**

Outside Hagrid was bawling like a baby, as he stood feet spread wide both arms wrapped around one giant tentacle, as he tried desperately to save the Giant Squid.

"'OLD ON BUDDERCUP! E' GOT YE!" the boy hollered.

The Squid curled its tentacle around his arms, the rest rippling through the air like giant streamers. One large liquid black eye stared at Hagrid pleadingly.

Then a tree branch was ripped from a nearby tree, and hurtled forward, slamming into Hagrid's back, stunned, the boy fell backwards, arms loosening, and watched in silent horror as Buttercup's tentacle came loose, and she was sucked up out of sight...

He clambered to his feet, looking around desperately, But alas, there was no sign of his dearest friend anywhere.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Hagrid bellowed at the sky, tears streaming down his face.

His howl was so loud it shook the whole cliff the castle stood on, and the earth beneath all three greenhouses, and the Grounds Keeper's hut ( with the Grounds Keeper still in it.) Split off from the cliff and sank down into the lake.

Instantly the sky cleared off, and the sunshined brightly, and little Xenophilius Lovegood came rowing around the bend in one of the school boats and paused before Hagrid.

"Crikey! Did you see that whole flock of Flumbling Whumberdingers carry off the Giant Squid just now? I've never seen so many in one place before! Got to go write this in my journal! Skeeter's never gonna believe it! She'll bug out when I tell her!" The tiny first year beamed and rowed off toward the docks.

Hagrid sunk to the ground face first, and sobbed his heart out...

**JPIJPIJPIJPIJPIJPIJPIJPIJPIJPIJPIJPIJPIJPIJPIJPIJPIJPIJPIJPIJPIJPIJPIJPIJPIJPIJPI**

Herbology classes where canceled that week, and then, on Saturday, about noon-ish, out of the clear blue sky, came Buttercup, hurtling back down into the center of the lake. The great disturbance caused the Greenhouses and the Ground's Keepers Hut (Minus the Grounds Keeper who'd been carried off and eaten by the Merpeople.) to rise back up seamlessly into their original positions.

Pomona Sprout and Hagrid were both overjoyed. All the other students were annoyed. And Dumbledore, having no other choice on such short notice, (As he'd fully believed that Ogg would have managed to hold his breath till the Hut resurfaced.) named young Hagrid the new Grounds Keeper.

James and the other Marauders helped him celebrate, by shoving him into the lake.

And so Hagrid was reunited at last with his beautiful Buttercup...


End file.
